Growing Old

Today is my birthday. I am fast approaching 30, and I feel it. As I age, some of the things the women’s magazines have been telling me about are becoming relevant. I mean seriously, why is the skin around my eyes suddenly less elastic? But enough about me, lets talk about how to not let aging get to us.


Olivia Pope lives on wine and popcorn, I choose black coffee and chocolate. Everyone needs a lifestyle, and I don’t mean anything like that paleo nonsense, our cavemen ancestors died because they ate twigs until their appendices failed and burst, don’t do that. If you are worried about your health, consider something along the lines of mozzarella and tomato but pizza and beer are also good choices. Pick a diet and stick with it.


 Get a dog, you’ll be forced to walk it. Once you get tired of walking the dog you will find a house with a yard. This is a perfect set up, once a week you will mow the grass with a push mower. After your weekly mow you you will get the well deserved nap you’ve been dreaming about all week. Hopefully, you were smart enough to get a hammock when you got the yard, but if you weren’t go ahead and get one now.


Sure, smiling is part of the reason I’m currently investigating eye creams for fine lines (being blind and blond don’t help either) but you will feel better if you do. Also, if you have crap in your teeth people will be more likely to tell you, unless you’re the poor lady with like have her breakfast shoved between her two front teeth chatting up the guy who is super out of her league in front of me in line for coffee.

Dress well

Style is personal, and it is one of the easiest ways to express yourself. So what if I look like the offspring of Cher and Barney? I would think that it would give you something to titter about, maybe return the favor. I know you have a love for thrifting, maybe start getting your shoes second hand as well. Maybe go for that alternative haircut that you’ve been eyeing. I believe the youths say “you do you” in these cases. It may turn a few heads for the wrong reasons but I’m sure it will also turn a few head for the right reasons too.


Sleep is the best fucking thing on Earth. I can’t reiterate that enough, sleep is the greatest invention invented ever. Get some.

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