The Art of the Insult 

An insult is an amazing tool. It can bnne used to show both affection and disdain, or both at the same time. 

A properly timed burn can earn you a lotnncomedic legacy but one of wrong move gets you labeled as a dunce and loses you friends. 

Don’t be that guy.

The best insults are clever digs that will not cut the insulted to the core, your goal is to keep friends not become the awkward idiot that no one wants to be around. 

I can help, below are some examples of bad insults and some suggestions for improvement. Hopefully this excercise will aid you in forming better put-downs.

It’s not 1860.

Apparently, this was directed at an outfit. The problem with this one is that neither the insulter nor the insultee know a damn thing about 1860s ladies fashion. 

An educated insult is an excellent insult.

Next time try: Just because J. Crew and ModCloth got drunk at a party doesn’t mean you need to wear the resulting designs. 

You’re gay.

So this is how you know I’m not into polical correctness, this and the frequency at which I say the C word out loud. As with any insult you must know your audience. It helps if you are not a raging homophobe. 

This is a middle school insult. Grow up, if only a little, and you’ll get a better reaction when toss out your barb.

Next time go with: If you don’t want to be gay, don’t have a boyfriend. 

You’re fat.

Just don’t.

If you do, you are proving to the world that you are dumb as shit. Fat is weak, obvious, and petty. 

The same thing goes with telling someone their ugly, we get it Tommy*, you were blessed with good looks and athletic ability but your home life is shitty, you don’t need to hurt people’s feelings to be a big boy.

Next time try: not saying a damn thing, no one has a good time with jeers about their physical appearance.
Your mama…

It’s tried and true and gets the occasional laugh but you can do better! 

Yes, keep at the maternal angle. 

No, your joke about her girth isn’t original, thus not funny.

Next time try: Your mom’s penis… 

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