Happy Birthday because Facebook Told Me To Remember You

If you are one of the billion or so daily so Facebook users you are all too familiar with the morning notification that includes who of your friends is celebrating the anniversary of being squeezed out of a vagina. And if you are like half of those billion daily users you write a heartfelt message to all people who you watch via electronic voyeurism.

There are as many ways to say happy birthday as there are connections willing to say it, but each way means something a little different. If you are looking to keep your intentions from being misinterpreted follow my handy-dandy happy birthday wishing guide below.

Happy Bday

Seriously, if I didn’t constantly run into you in the grocery store we wouldn’t even be Facebook friends. Here’s the least I can do for you, person who likes everything I post.

Happy Birthday

Thank you for remembering my birthday Facebook friend who I haven’t seen or heard from since high school. This is me returning the sentiment.

Happy Birthday!

I really mean it, you know I really mean it because I used an exclamation mark!


I’m a generally yelly person, and this feels right. Also, a have super cool dog that I like to look at pictures of, keep posting those.

Happy Birthday (emoji of a drink)

We may or may not have met at a college party and if it wasn’t for Facebook I wouldn’t have remembered your name let alone the make-out sesh in Bobby’s dorm 15 years ago. Those were the days.

Happy belated Birthday

I didn’t forget. I just wanted to feel a little bit special by being the only one to say happy birthday on this day that is not your birthday. Is it working? Am I special?

It feels like only yesterday that I held you in my arms and today you make me so proud (naked picture of birthday human from his or her childhood)

You are this person’s parent. If you are not the birthday human’s parent you need to rethink this before you embarrass yourself

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