When it Comes to Kink

Everyone is a bit of a weirdo when it comes to sex. There is endless internet porn to prove this, and I’m sure that the Internet only covers the lesser weirdnesses. 
I bring up kinks because a friend recently asked when it was appropriate to bring up his less conventional naughty wishes in a new relationship. So I’ve thought long and hard for the last few days and I’ve come up with.

Don’t 

Just don’t. If you are into nasty shit, keep it to yourself. You should blush if your partner mentions toys or less traditional orifises. Stick to normal sex. Marry someone who is also sticking to normal sex. Have this normal until one of you dies.

But if you can’t keep your dirty, dirty nonsense to yourself…

On the Second Date

You may or may not be having sex by the second date, that’s your business not mine. But your second date should be dinner, and what is better than sitting in an expensive restaurant in the soft light of candles telling your companion how you’d like to shove a 24 inch dildo up his ass then breast feed him while you talk on the phone to your mother and father?

Be sure to do this before the entrée is served, you don’t want anyone to confuse this discussion with drunken blatherings.

If a less public confession is required…

On the drive to chrurch 

They make movies and music about the filth the faithful are into. So when you’ve gotten to the point that you’ll pray together in public use the travel time to retell Fifty Shades of Grey in your own words. Don’t forget to mention the cage you have in your basement, it maybe useful after brunch.

If your not a church goer, this last scenario may be tough to pull off. How about you try…

During a movie at the movie theatre

The movies are spectacularly private for a public place, so they are perfect for a private confession of exobitionism. Use this a show rather than tell opportunity. Rip off your pants and climb aboard. If your partner protests don’t force his hand, finish the job yourself. 

Advertisements

One thought on “When it Comes to Kink

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s