So you knocked a brand new contact on the floor and can’t find it, this isn’t catastrophic typically, but often times it’s the first drop that hits you nose right before the deluge. 

You’ll lose your glasses. Slam your hand in a drawer or burn it on the stove. You’re tire will flatten. You’ll leave your security badge at home, along with your wallet and keys. You’ll remember you’re cell phone (hooray!) but it will have about 10% battery life remaining (fuck!). 

So how do you deal with this avalanche of misfortune? Please find a short set of coping strategies below.

Go home

Home is safe. There are about a billion things that can go wrong there but no one can see you bumbling about in a fog of chaos and distruction.

Take your shoes off and sit on the couch. It’s probably best you don’t leave the couch until this little hell of tripped alarms and broken glass blows over.

Drink

Drinking solves all your problems. It increases the power of your memory, it strengthens your balancer and coordination, and best of all, alcohol has never made anyone do anything foolhardy.

Drink up. 

Just use a plastic cup.

Dive into work

When your day is shit why not get some shit done? By focusing on not screwing up work, everything will run smoothly, except maybe the project at hand.

Call your mother 

Mothers are great advisor and even better counselors, so call yours. There is no way she would remind you that if you took care of your self/car/health/things none of this would be happening. Just remember if things get too bad you are always welcome to move home.