Knowing when to Tie the Knot

I am a lucky woman, my love life is not dictated by the stars, I do not follow astrology looking for the right moment, I have Irena. She passes her sage advice to me by way of my mother (which means I have no need to explain my decision making process to her).

When I was in my early twenties, about the time I graduated college the first time, Irena decided I needed a baby, because “you can always get a man but you can’t always get a baby”. 

I have learned that now it is time. I need to find my man, “bed him and marry him”. She is a smart woman. I shall begin to seek a life partner under her instruction. I will bed him and I will marry him.

Since the rest of you have me to help guide your romantic life, instead of Irena, I’ve complied a list of reasons to get hitched.

Dirty dishes

When you are single you are a one man house staff, you cook, you clean, you tend the gardens, and you muck the stalls. Then you get ready for work and toil under the whip of The Man, only to go home and do it all again. 

Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to wash the dishes for you? 

If you answered yes, you should get married. 

If you answered no, I have a job for you.

Married younger siblings 

This isn’t Edwardian England, the younger members of your family are indeed allowed to marry before you, it’s just that someone forgot to tell your grandmother. 

If you are ready to shut the hag up, you should marry the next person who smiles in your direction.

Snow and/or ice

I live in a region where winter precipitation is less than friendly to roads and cars. I am not unique in this plight. 

If you are ready to have someone else scrape off your windshield in the early hours of the AM, fake a pregnancy and jump the broom before anyone finds out.

Car trouble 

If you can’t fix it, they can. If they can’t fix it they can pick you up when you drop if off at the mechanic.

Tinder fatigue 

I’m sorry that your right swipey finger is sooo tired. I’m sure your next match is for life, don’t waste a moment thinking about it, just meet at the courthousev

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s