Scrambling the Egg on Your Face

You’ve pocket dials someone while tinkling? Flashed the entire office your business? Drunk dialed that person you’re in love with but is married? You sweat through your shirt at an interview? Opened a PowerPoint presentation with some other tab open for all to see? You were caught at the peak of pleasure with a q-tip in hand?

 It happens. You’ll humiliate yourself again one day, I’m pretty certain of that, so let use this incident strategize coping mechanisms for embarrassment. 


Everyone hates a puker, who often have the power to cause a chain reaction. The reactors become so upset that the focus is no longer on your vomit, or your embarrassment so you can walk away more or less unscathed. 

Just be prepared to do a little cleaning after the dust has settled.

Turn it into your audition 

There is money to be made in pornograpic portrayals of this exact moment of humiliation. Pull out you phone, hit record, do that open mouth thing and make eye contact with the phone camera.


You’ve made enough money to suffer this indignity. And if you did a good enough job, you may be paid to suffer again at a later day.

Cash money, bitches!


If you are at work with humiliation strikes, quit.

If you are playing a team sport and cannot recover from an error, quit.

If you are walking down the street and catching the wrong kind of attention just stop where you are, lay down and quit.

Hold eye contact 

This works best when you’ve been caught doing something like wanking or diddling your roommates significant other. Turn your embarrassment on its head and hand it back to the person who has caught you red handed.

If you’re going to go this route make sure your balls are melon sized and made of steel, a waver or blush will sink your ship.


Straight up, just keel over. You can’t suffer mortification in death. Just make it the real thing, if you’re using this episode for le petite mort then you should see my second point.

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