Getting a Job: A Foolproof Guide

It has occurred to me lately that getting a job isn’t something that comes naturally to some people. You create the most beautiful resume and have the perfect interview suit but at the end of the day you are always the second choice. 

I have had no less than 12 jobs in the last 12 years so I know a thing or two about getting yourself hired. 

Have your daddy help

It’s hard to get a job on your own, and professionals will tell you that networking will help, but what helps more than you networking is your daddy networking. He is so well respected by his golf buddies and members of the club.

People owe your daddy for all he has done for the community so why shouldn’t you reap the benefits of his long history of quasi-political maneuvering? Your daddy’s connections are also job security, no one would disappoint him by giving up on you. 

If you do go this route make sure your use your daddy’s credit card to give your boss a meaningful and tastefully expensive Christmas present as a thank you.

Kneel before people of power

I’m not really the person to guide you on what to do once you’ve dropped to your knees, there are video guides all over the Internet and I’m sure you’ll find a technique that suits your style.

If you are too proud to humble yourself in such a manner, take daddy’s credit card and pay someone to grovel on your behalf. Just be sure to watch to make sure the job is done right.

Be in the right place

Hireability is based on previewed value, are you worth it? The answer is just maybe, but if you force the issue than you can change a “maybe” to a resounding “yes”. You need to create a problem, a complicated, impossible problem, then you need to heroically solve this problem. 
If you have had succeeds getting a job using some other technique feel free to leave your story in the comments.

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