One time I had way to much tequila (I can recall 12 shots), three pints of Guinness, and half a pitcher of something pink and fizzy and filled with booze, the next day was rough, I don’t remember much of it, too much heaving at the back of a professor’s head, and the following night was filled with sleep paralysis and hallucinations.

I have had a hangover or two in the six years since that day, but none quite so harrowing. And I will tell you honestly, if I were to consume half of what I did that night now I would probably end up hospitalized. Age is catching up with me. And with you, probably.

If you still like to enjoy a bit to drink now and again you need to have a strategy to prevent the hell-fire that is a hangover after age 23. Since I started drinking at 10:30 this morning, while working, I think I’m just the person to lay out a strategy for you.

1. Drink
2. Keep drinking
3. Drink more
4. Wake up at 4:37 AM for a drink, then keep drinking

The above strategy needs no further explanation, if it doesn’t suit your lifestyle because you are maybe, sort of, sometimes a responsible, adult human being keep reading.

1. Stay sober – Sobriety is sort of key to avoiding hangovers, but it’s also
2. Break a something – A bone, or something, because you get to go to the ER and at the ER they will give you IV fluids. IV fluids are super awesome. Get them, put them in your body.
3. Call in sick – It’s not the best strategy, but if you go to work you’ll feel super shitty but with the way the world works if you stay home you’ll be golden.
4. Catch a stomach bug – If you’re puking from something else the hangover will be the least of your problems. If you’re lucky the stomach bug will be so bad you get to go the ER for those IV fluids.

Good luck.