Acquiring an Invitation to the Party in My Pants

To be clear 99% of the time I’m not wearing pants but easy access doesn’t necessarily mean easy access. 

I’m not writing this because I’m frigid or a prude, or some floozy slutwhore. I’ve been inspired by both my own experience as a single lady and by the tales of my competition… I mean, umm, other single women (girl power?).

If you are interested in me, or my aforementioned competition, there are a few things you can do to show that you are deserving of the coveted invitation to the party in our respective pants. A few ideas are below.

Ask questions 

“Anal?” is not the way to start a conversation despite current dating practices. Questions help you get to know me and help me figure out where your priorities lie. I mean, yeah, I’m a banker and I could probably tell you how to fairly effectively rob a bank, but I am more than my job. Also, I’m not so dumb as to think your exteme interest in my job is interest in me. 

Take me out

It doesn’t have to be fancy, but I’m not standing in line to order. If you can’t afford the second most expensive glass of wine (which I will be ordering) then you should have considered a slightly less pricey place. 

Inviting me over for take out is nice, if you are my best friend from high school and we’re going to gossip. And I have my own Netflix account so I don’t need to review the catalog of shows and films on yours.  

Tell me I look nice

I am oft told by passers by that I have a rack and ass worth commenting about. I feel like this can be said about 92.7% of women, the other 7.3% are in snow suits, or else they’d be included, so get creative. 

If you like my boobs and I’ve decorated them with a necklace, tell me you like my necklace. If you think the shoes I chose to accentuate the perk of my buttocks, yet not intimidate you with my towering height, tell me. 

Use your phone

This takes practice. Your phone is capable of infinite distractions. It’s tiny camera begs you to take pictures of your member at its peak. Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. 

Maybe you should check Yelp for a better bar. It’s super easy to use and there are much better bars.

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