How to Decide if You Need a Doctor

If you are anything like me deciding whether or not you need to see a doctor is harder than dropping half your annual salary on a vacation or changing your career path in the middle of being super successful. 

I hate visiting the doctor despite working for one on a regular basis. 

I hate visiting the doctor because I would rather buy new shoes than pay someone tell me I’m sick with whatever I’m sick with. 

Because I hate going to the doctor I don’t have a regular doctor, and there is nothing I hate more than having to explain my personal and (extensive) family medical history to someone who thinks I’m a moron.

Because I hate going to the doctor I have devised a system of determining whether or not it’s worth the trouble of an appointment. Below is a list of questions, when you start saying yes to more than one or two maybe go ahead and get seen.

  1. Did someone offer to drive 200+ miles in the middle of the night to make sure you would get this ailment taken care of?
  2. Have people stopped listening to your complaining because it’s gone on for so long?
  3. Have you lost more than 1/3 of your total blood volume?
  4. Are weird colors getting involved?
  5. Has a portion of your body detached, or mostly detached?
  6. Did you think you could get showered and dressed without standing up?
  7. Have you slept for more than 24 or the last 36 hours?
  8. Do you have $300 to cover the cost of the appointment and tests?
  9. If you are thinking you may need an X-Ray, when was your last period? 
  10. Wait, when was your last period?
  11. On the pain scale, are you suffering more than an 8?
  12. Is your weight up at the moment? 

I doubt either of need the doctor today. Take some pills from an old prescription bottle that’s been in the cabinet for three or four years and feel better.

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