This morning one of my friends reported that she had received a dick pic from a guy who she had been talking to. This happened after she had met his serious girlfriend at a party. 

Despite it being fairly universally agreed upon that unsolicited dick pics are a no-no, the occasional man gets bold and tries to woo a woman with his most artful photographs of his manhood*.

If you are the recipient of one of these unfortunate messages you have a few options for responses, find some ideas below. 

A rating

Most doc pics, though I’m sure effort is exerted in the caputuring of the image, are less than appealing. Maybe the lighting is poor, or the general composition leaves something to be desired.

Your rating should be based on artistic value alone, you wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings…

If you need to see what constitutes a 10 click here, don’t be surprised, clicking will get you do pictures of penises, good ones, but penises nonetheless. Proceed with caution. 

A picture of your dick

If you were not blessed with a penis of your very own, take a picture of the nearest willing Johnson.

The return cock candids don’t need to be pretty, just shocking. 

If necessary the Internet can provide all shorts of shocking material.

A case number on a police officer’s business card

The penal code has clearly stated laws about pulling your pecker out in public. Most people are aware of this. Most people are anxious about the police showing up on their door. Use this fear to your advantage.

If you don’t have an officers business card laying around just get a name and a case number (pull a case number from your last ticket) it’ll work well enough.

A short series of laughing emojis 

Because sometimes your honest reaction is the best reaction, though I doubt you’ll capture it on video. Emojis are the next best thing. 

*While there are some penises worth taking a gander at in all of their glory, typically the person who wants to peep will ask for a photo or make time to peer in person.