Today, we shall discuss ornithology, the zoological study of birds. 

A tit is a small bird from the family   Paridae. Tits are common in North America, Europe, Asia and a large portion of Africa. Their name common is derived from their diminutive size. 

And I’ve lost you…

You want to read about breasts and are now mildly peeved that I’ve tricked you into a grade school science lesson, and I would apologize but I’m not exactly sorry. 

As it stands, I’m not a fan of calling breasts tits. It belittles them. And no one deserves that.

Now that I’m condemning the improper use of tits I should probably give you some alternatives. 

1. Breasts – this is anatomically correct, but you knew that.
2. Boobs
3. Jugs
4. Boobies – reminds me of a joke: What kind of bees sting ghosts? Boobies!
5. Fun bags
6. Sweater puppets – Sweater as in jumper, a knitted type garment, because that makes a difference.
7. Knockers
8. Bosom – if you are talking about the set on a older woman who has a motherly air, use this one.
9. Girls – mind you, depending on the situation you could cause some confusion with actual girls. 
10. Chin rest
11. Twins – see 9

There is one situation where tits can be used in reference to lady udders because of the image that pops into my head. I say it a lot too. Forgive my hypocrisy.

 Calm your tits.

It’s my favorite, but mostly because I imagine a lady with a brazier filled with chirping chickadees that she’s trying to shush.