We have been having an interesting few weeks, me and drunk me. And that itself has worrisome implications. Drunk me is dumb and loud and she has less control of herself (see dumb and loud). But I'm not here to talk about what I do when I'm uninhibitied, I'm here to talk about you when … Continue reading Drunk Self Actualization
Month: April 2016
When to Smile
Smiling makes people happy. The physical act of smiling makes the smiler happy (science!) and smiles, like yawns, are contagious. But sometimes your face just doesn't smile. This is occasionally called resting bitch face (which amuses me because it perfectly sums up what my sister looks like throwing shade and infuriates me because there has to … Continue reading When to Smile
Happy Hour Behavior
When your team needs some building you need to go with the coworkers and do what the group likes best, which if you are a teacher, banker, medical professional, student, food services work, or artist, is probably drinking discounted drinks. Pick a day, pick a place, download Uber and go for drinks. It's pretty simple … Continue reading Happy Hour Behavior
On Female Friendships
A year ago today one of my best friends died. It was sudden but not unexpected. I missed three finals to run back and forth to all of the airports in the DC area so that her family could be together. And I spent a week dodging my mother's well meaning coworkers who talking about … Continue reading On Female Friendships
Let’s Talk about Sex
Not the act, the word, and why you are so darn scared to say it out loud. You used to win the penis game on the bus,what happened to you? When did you become this simpering pussy bitch? I can't solve all your problems. You need to see a therapist about the weakness that has … Continue reading Let’s Talk about Sex
An Apology
I must offer my sincerest apologies for my most recent post. It was uninspired and ranting and I have no excuse* for my lackluster showing. I can do better, I will do better. Please forgive me. * A few potential excuses if you will indulge me. I was writing while watching The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit, … Continue reading An Apology
Parking in a City
I grew up on a dirt road, in the middle of nowhere. When I was accepted to a college in NYC there was no turning back (until I lived there for a year and was like, nah..) I was going to be a city girl. I didn't miss my car in Queens. I didn't miss … Continue reading Parking in a City
Ending a Phone Call
I used to work in a call center (which is something I think society should use a punishment for criminals, but that's a whole other can of worms). The only useful takeaway from that soul sucking year and a half (plus two days last month) was that there is a polite a way to end … Continue reading Ending a Phone Call
Stomaching the Embarrassment of Autocorrect
I witnessed a middle aged man turn red, then purple, while snorting with laughter, either out of embarrassment or sheer, immature joy. His phone bore a calendar reminder for the weekend. It had changed his weekend plans from a cornhole tournament, to a come hole tournament (I feel like the rules of the latter are … Continue reading Stomaching the Embarrassment of Autocorrect
Sharing your Opinion
On my desk sits a drawing gifted to me by a client. This picture has turned into quite the conversation starter. And while he seems fairly innocuous to the average person, Fernando has sparked outrage. I have been subjected to passive aggressive pastors and unamused art people. And I'm mildly baffled, these people are … Continue reading Sharing your Opinion
The Wiseass Life Coach 