On my desk sits a drawing gifted to me by a client.

 

 

This picture has turned into quite the conversation starter. And while he seems fairly innocuous to the average person, Fernando has sparked outrage.

I have been subjected to passive aggressive pastors and unamused art people. And I’m mildly baffled, these people are indeed entitled to their thoughts and opinions about my office decor, but sharing these opinions, well that’s where the teachable moments appear.

If you have an opinion, and I’m sure you do, you may also need some guidance in how to properly express yourself. As is my usual format, you guidelines can be found below.

Ask passive aggressive questions

Because the best way to let people know how you feel about something is to speak down to them while pretending to be interested in what how they feel. There is the possibility that the person you are talking to isn’t as smart as you (duh, they don’t share your opinion), they might not understand that you are mocking them.

Don’t let this get you down, they may not get that you are of a superior opinion but eventually they will understand that you are the superior person, smarter, funnier, more rooted in whatever your thing is.

And be super happy that you are so much better then them, you may need a $3.5 million loan one day and you wouldn’t want them to think  of you as having poor character.

Pray that people see it your way

You have to pray out loud when doing this, how else will your wish to change their mind come true?

Sit in front of this wrongly opinioned human and invoke god. Grab their hands and pray harder. Perhaps ask for your omnipotent being to “fix their wrong headed-ness”. Pray for guidance and enlightenment.

Ignore facts

This is best person to argue with is an expert in the field of whatever you are sharing your opinion. When they talk about research and findings, quote the internet.

I’m sure that subreddit is filled with people more knowledgeable than the expert you are debating.

Speak louder

The loudest opinion is the correct opinion.