We have been having an interesting few weeks, me and drunk me. And that itself has worrisome implications. Drunk me is dumb and loud and she has less control of herself (see dumb and loud). 

But I’m not here to talk about what I do when I’m uninhibitied, I’m here to talk about you when you are uninhibited and how to incorporate that version of you with you. 

This isn’t a lecture about not drinking, I don’t have the energy and you don’t listen that well. This is about being your best self.

Know your limits

Some people can drink until the sun comes up with little or no consequences. You are not that person, so you need to be aware of how much you can tolarate. 

Once you’ve reached your limit, take stock of your surroundings, are other people drinking more? Do they seem to be enjoying themselves? Do you want to be like them?

Just say no, to your previously established limit, that is. If everyone else is partying and having a grand time you should be too. Don’t let your liver put a damper on your evening. Push through. 

Be ambitious

You know your place when you are sober, you are a cog, important enough but not exciting, you are five (with a fat wallet/enormous breasts socall it a 6.5) so you seek others like you.

You’ve been working hard as a cog and a mediocre looking human, you deserve better. Network into a job you neither understand nor want but that pays a boat load of cash money. Pass your business card out at the bar like a pedo passing candy in the school yard, there are no limits to your potential. 

Once you’ve wiggled your way into a position with a corporate card and company car, seek out the 10s. You were alright before but now, your star is on the rise. Grab every opportunity and hold on, eventually you’ll meet someone who doesn’t have an adisor such as myself, and they’ll go with it.

Be open

Toss your boundaries out the window. 

Share your deepest darkest secret, you know the one about the blow job with the onlookers? Maybe tell that one. 

Tell everyone how you really feel about their decisions and ambitions, their sex and their sexuality, like go straight for the thing about women being dumb but lesbians are the best ever!

Maybe tell the blowjob story again, you can do it better this time, maybe use more adjectives. 

Be inviting 

The stories are hooking the 9s and 10s, you can see that working. Your ambition has you pretty close to the top of your game, invite your new friends to drink más with you, on you, of course. 

Invite them over, to your super home with all your nifty things.

Invite them into your bed (because your home, otherwise an alley will do) and show them your nifty thing. 

Maslow would be so proud!