I was at my work computer recently, railing against The Man, and I came across an article about the gender differences in preformance reviews and was struck dumb. I giggled like a maniac while sending highlighted sections and a link to my bosses and a male coworker who would also get a kick out of it.

Every single preformance review I have ever had in every position I have held at every company I have ever worked for has had a continued criticism, I am too agressive (ok, two things, that and I need to cover my boobs).

The saying goes “you catch more flies with honey” and that may be true, but it is also true that attractive people get hired with more ease and micropenises exist. True doesn’t translate to fair, and right and fair aren’t synonyms. 

So how do you improve upon this whole agressiveness thing? A few idea can be found below.

Dress the part, Sweetheart

Soft, pretty things on a woman reflect the soft pretty things in a woman (mind out of the gutter you depraved son of a bitch!). Flowy skirts and heels will soften your edges, while winged liner and bouncing curls will disarm them. 

No one can be hostile when they are so darn pretty. So, be button cute. They may not take you seriously, but they also won’t accuse you of sucking dick for weed (no, seriously, this is a thing, I just can’t figure out who is setting the example for this accusation). 

Smile 

 A smile is universal, it wins the heart and minds of poeple everywhere, the only exception being severe tooth decay. 

Smiling takes the edge off your voice making your naturally more agreeable. And remember, if you’re already smiling you won’t ruin a middle aged man’s day by forcing him to instruct you to do so.

Hire an email editor

We must remember that text has no tone. When you write an email know that the person reading it is already waiting for you to attack, your reputation always precedes you. 

Having a neutral person get your point across will save you precious face time with your superiors and the superiors of the individuals that you send your message to. This goes back to the flies and honey thing, people do what you tell them to do if you ask nicely, three or four times.

Speak softly 

If you can’t say something nice say it softly. Soft talkers get the benefit of the doubt because no one can hear them

Don’t 

Because if your smart enough someone else will hire you once you get shit-canned for calling out the wrong person. Plus being aggressive makes for some super stellar confrontation stories.