I’ve seen some things lately. I cannot afford electro-shock thearpy at this point in my life so I am forced to find other coping mechanism to deal. 

While you may be able to afford the treatment needed to erase your recent memories, it may be ill advised to do it on a regular basis. You need coping mechanisms too.

Below you will find some oddities that are potentially damaging to the psyche and a few ideas for how to deal with each situation. 

Your boss and a younger woman

While this is nothing new, middle aged men love younger women, there are plenty of May-December marriages to prove that it’s not all bad either, but your boss is a whole other story… 

You have to answer to this guy, he is part of the reason you live so close to the poverty line and there he is getting his dick honked by someone young enough to be his daughter as he pays for their $300 dinner from the wad of cash in his wallet.

You can’t unsee it. The dick honking (and that’s what I’m going to continue to call it) paints a far grosser picture then a simple romantic dinner. You are now keenly aware that your boss, in all his wedgie picking glory, has genitalia, and he uses said genitalia to have sex.

First off, this is awful and I am sorry that you had to see it. The only thing you can do to fix this horrifying image now imprinted in your brain box is to have some sex with someone with someone who’s downstairs business isn’t involved with your 9 to 5 business.

A prostitute working

It’s horrible to walk in on people banging, it’s worse if you’re walking your dog and bam! Not only are people banging but they are doing so in a transactional manner. It’s on par with walking in on someone rubbing one out and then they don’t stop. 

You could gouge your eyes out, but that will only make the end of your dog walk very difficult. Instead I suggest you let your dog do his business as close to their business as possible. 

You can’t forget this moment so neither should they, but this woman is probably at the beginning of her shift, don’t ruin her entire work work day by allowing your dog to pee on them directly. 

Your long divorced parents hug

I have heard that some divorced people remain friends, but your parents didn’t. It was bad enough that you felt obligated to invite them both to your moment. It would have been super awesome if they barely awknowledged each other. One just had to mess that delicate balance up and go in for a hug. 

It going to be ok, you are going to be ok. But if you aren’t already in therapy, you should get some of that. 

Years of it. 

Their divorce wasn’t as damaging as that hug, and you weren’t responsible for their divorce in some small way you are responsible for the hug, a little bit. 

Your teacher in the grocery store

Remember back in school when it was super weird to see teachers out of context? It’s still weird, as an adult to be at the grocery store in your home town and see this person who inspired you to learn shut buying beer and lube.

There is nothing you can do abou what they are buying but if you haven’t moved out of your hometown this is as good a reason as any. Move as far away as possible and never look back.

Unexpected nude people running

I’m not taking about a nudist jogging club, that would be upsetting but you could deal. I’m talking about coming home from the bar to your very lively neighborhood to see a woman standing outside smoking a cigarettes while nude. She is not in distress, she’s just standing there, until she sees you then she darts back to the house.

You could laugh in surprise or cry because you may not know her but you have lived peacefully next door to each other for thre years and she’s ruined it’s.

But maybe the best solution is to try public nudity for yourself. Could be thrilling.