Once upon a time, I was using my Red Card to get that little 5% discount on condoms (mother if you are reading this, they were for a friend, I also told this friend that they are a sinner and should repent!) and cheap wine. I carried my next month's birth control in the little … Continue reading Boobs and Sex and Stuff: A Guide to Handling Your Shit like a Grown Up Lady
Month: August 2016
Saving a Kitten from a Tree and Other Lies to Save Face
I can stand on my toes but I can't bend my foot. My foot is just plain effed. A visit to the doc in the box confirmed it. And while I get a few weeks (if I can stand it) in a sexy shoe, I'm haunted by injuries past. The breaks and sprains don't bother … Continue reading Saving a Kitten from a Tree and Other Lies to Save Face
Paying For It
Look, I know that you are far too classy to straight up pay for sex, even if it is only $8. I know that you are one smooth mother-lover and can get it on you own. Your Black Card and standing reservation at Morton's Steakhouse are good at picking up where your personality falls short. Or … Continue reading Paying For It
Garçon!: Making the Most of a Meal Out
I eat out way too frequently, and as such, am an expert in how to treat waitstaff. And I know, this is going to vary for the international readers, especially when it comes to the whole tipping thing, but bear with me. Treating waiters well is the key to a stellar dining experience. They control the … Continue reading Garçon!: Making the Most of a Meal Out
Fat Shaming: A Weight Loss Plan
This past weekend I had a stranger yell at me that I am "too fat to get fucked" while his friends egged him on and his child watched. This encounter left me to confront two issues. First, what have I been doing with naked men all this time? (We'll tackle that another day, I have … Continue reading Fat Shaming: A Weight Loss Plan
Oh Death: An Attempt at Enjoying a Passing
I have written about brushes with death, I have written in memoriam of a good friend, I have even tackled the horrifying event that is the death of a beloved celebrity and yet I have never addressed death head on. Let us, on this beautiful today, discuss the end of life. There are as many rituals with … Continue reading Oh Death: An Attempt at Enjoying a Passing
On Happiness
Lately things have been off. Maybe you have noticed my posts are lacking their typical bite. In the moment I am inspired, but I cannot bring my ire to completion, its like getting right the edge and being disappointed. It took me a while to figure out what the problem is, and I'm sure I … Continue reading On Happiness
Not Buying It
We've all been in front of a pushy sales person who just won't take no for an answer. And as a sales person, I get it, you were blissfully unaware of whatever garbage I'm touting until you picked up your phone I walked into your office. It's our job to wear you down. There are … Continue reading Not Buying It
The Wiseass Life Coach 