Christmas Wishes: A Comprehensive Guide to Gifts for Giving

The story of Christmas starts in a manger about 2000-ish years ago. The story continues that three dudes showed up with some gifts for a child who was born at that manger and then eventually those dudes gifts got all mixed up with bags of money left by a Turkish dude so a father could sell his daughters into marriages instead of into slavery.

Those thousands of years of gifting history have been distilled into the gift buying season we know now. It starts mid-October with twinkling lights and ends with mad dashes on Christmas Eve to big box stores for one last thing to put under the tree of the brother of your sister’s mother’s uncle’s nephew’s girlfriend’s puppy’s brother’s owner’s sister’s girlfriend who may or may not be showing up to Christmas dinner.

One thing about all this gift buying and giving is that no matter how many people you have to buy for or what your budget may be, you will get hung up on what to get at least one person. You can consult millions of lists on the internet, ones for basic bitches or people who need their items to be a calendar or for strangers but I have yet to steer you wrong in any matters of your life so why would you go to other lists for gift ideas? Find everything you need for all of the people you need to buy gifts for below.

Cast Iron Skillet

You can find them nearly anywhere, and they’re mostly affordable. Cast iron skillets are literally the gift for everyone. I mean, yeah, every decent cook should have one. But what about people who don’t cook? The heavy skillet passes as a decent home defense system, and if you are buying for a weapons aficionado and don’t have the money for fancy knives and guns, or you are opposed to them, it’s the perfect addition to their arsenal.  Cast iron is also a huge piece of the “rustic” decorating craze sweeping the nation. You probably know a kitchen with burlap and raw wood just begging to have a skillet hung from a hook on the wall. Show you care for the kitchen’s decorator and give them the perfect wall hanging, bonus points if you get them various sizes and wrap the handles with burlap ribbon.

Wine Stops

Like the skillet, wine stops are a universally appreciated gift. You have wasted way too much time thinking that fancy wine stops were for fancy wine drinkers. If you are friends with a lush who stocks up you may want get them a fancy wine stops too scatter amongst their bottles, they’ll never use them but it will make their mother feel better about the habit. For non-drinkers having wine stops makes the occasional hostess gift look well used, one glass poured and corked to be put on display indefinitely. Even recovering alcoholics need wine stops, for their vinegars and oils and what not.


They show up on all the lists, but maybe for the wrong reasons. Everyone needs candles because everyone who lives in a place with electricity will eventually go out. Or they’ll make bacon and need something to cover the stench. And there may be a person or two who need candles to convince worried family members that they are totally romantic shelf-life, everyone’s mother knows that half burned candles mean sex has happened, and if sex has happened babies come forthwith, right?

Sample Perfumes

Sephora and Macy’s are the best at handing at these silly little viles of mostly revolting scents that you can’t afford. As Christmas rolls around pull them out, men and women, young and old, love to smell good and it’s thoughtful of you to consider what makes people feel good why giving gifts. The upside is that if they dislike the scent as much as you, its only taking up a tiny bit of space in their drawers.

Cedar Shoe Trees

Shoe trees are a very classy thing to own. If you know someone who you want to make classy, or someone who you feel is classy already and you want to impress, get them some shoe trees. They are also great for people with issues with pedal perspiration issues, what with cedar smelling better than gym socks and all.

Furniture Bumpers

Baby proofing equipment is not just for people with new babies, or impending babies, you can get it for everyone. There is bound to be a table or a chair that needs blunting. I know of poorly designed offices filled with people carrying bruised thighs, they’d happy take bumpers. Then there are the natural klutzes, they may not be opening thrilled about one more dig at their gracelessness.

A DIY Project

There is nothing better than giving someone all the pieces of a project they never quite got around to doing, so they can be reminded that they don’t have any spare time to do the things they want to do.


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