Winter Weight and All that You Gain

Every year it starts at Halloween the parties and the candy, then as pumpkin spice takes hold and sweaters become larger, for style of course. Then there is Thanksgiving, and Christmas parties, then Christmas and the New Year. Then it gets cold.

You spent March through August starving yourself last year so that your jeans looked damn good and you could wear a bathing suit with some pride. And while you managed to pull off a sexy Halloween costume you’re covered now, and it’s fucking freezing.

I’m sure that you were so good, and you only gained five pounds of cookie weight in December. Yay you! But what if you popped another five on? Think of all the things you have with your new found poundage. If you’re scoffing, get a grip, and read the below list.

  1. New clothes- 10 pounds means a new size, a new size means a whole new wardrobe.
  2. A new dating pool- size matters when you’re looking for love, change yours and you change your audience.
  3.  Croissants- summer starvation means broccoli and baked chicken, a little extra poundage can be sustained with some yummy goodies, frozen pizza and cookies and M&Ms .
  4. New Year’s Resolutions- you can’t work towards a weight loss goal if you have no weight to lose, you can’t add gym time to your routine if you’re rocking a two-a-day regimen.
  5. Slip and fall protection- a little extra padding is good when the black ice pops up.
  6. More cushion- its a sex thing, if you don’t know the saying, Google it.
  7. Pregnancy scare flare- the  youths talk about winter as cuffing season, but if your pairing up seems to be unraveling, the extra weight will help you convince your lover that you are with child (also it will help you feel included now that engagement season is over and baby announcements are coming forthwith).
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9 thoughts on “Winter Weight and All that You Gain

      1. Please have all the extra pudding while laid out in the snow! I want a picture for the “weird shit” wall in my office. I’m also not opposed to joining you in solidarity in this pudding adventure.

        Like

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