Not that long ago, I worked seven days a week, getting up early, going to sleep early, and barely scraping by. The benefit to the endless drudgery was the occasional mid-afternoon tryst. But now I am in a position of power, which does not allow me such delights. Instead of getting some action, I’m serving up disciplinary action. So on this week

There has to be a balance.

With my job interfering in at least two separate entanglements this week, I’m writing to you out of frustration. While you cannot quite work to roll in the hay all day, you can find some ideas to keep business from interfering with you getting down to business below.

Objectification of available targets 

One of the fun things about working in an office with the same people day in and day out is that there will eventually be some weird crush on an unlikely office mate. Take the general attraction and spin it into something impossibly big. Fixate on it, but do not act.

Instead, be vocal about the physical attributes of this new object of your lust, openly discuss the things you would do to this poor soul in a less professional environment. If you need to, have this discussion while sitting on the corner of your desk.

Sexual harassment 

You may be asking yourself “isn’t that you what you just described?” and the answer is no.

Sure, objectifying your coworkers in order to deal with your mounting frustrations doesn’t seem ideal. Take it a step further touch them in a way that could be suggestive of copy room romps. Maybe they’re into it (yay!) or maybe you get a little chat with HR (boo) but either way it’s a bit of fun.

Climb the corporate ladder

Executives have time. Take some of that for yourself. And maybe get a raise.

All you have to do is wear a little lipstick and blink at the right one when he’s stumbling over your employee’s names.

Closed door meetings 

A polite lady, such as myself, would take sex home (or at least to a sparsely populated wooded area) but when the people who work for you don’t show up for whatever reason, forcing you to stay in the office and forego a lunch break you may change your rules. Bring in your next appointment, close your door, and have an intense meeting… of the minds.

A vigorous meeting deserves a follow up meeting, a postmortem for le petite mort if you will.

Lunch time gym break

I have long known men to take their lunch break as a sort of sweat fest. Maybe give it a go. No one expects post gym hair to be perfect, nor your skirt to be straight. The good news is that even a failed roll in the hay gets your heart racing. And if you’re a member of the right health club, you can give the jets in the hot tub a go before heading back to the office.