Turning a Side Thing into a Real Thing 

One day, in the dappled sunlight of a winter’s afternoon, your lover twisted in your sheets, it hits you: you could own this. You could make this person more than just a roll in the hay during long lunches and late night yearnings. They could be fill the void in your life, not just play filler.

A friend with benefits is great, but if you want more why not mold them into exactly the partner you desire. The transition may seem daunting but I’m here to help you.

  1. Mark your territory– I’m talking gnarly visible hickeys, solid purple bruising on your lover’s neck. Keep in mind that your bouts of afternoon delight followed by afternoon meetings with the higher-ups are the perfect opportunity to show that you exist.
  2. Leave a scent trail- Before you part with your friend, dab your secretions on their pulse points. Their body heat will release your pheromones as they continue their day, the need to be with you will be unbearable. Yay science!
  3. Invite yourself on vacation- Your FWB is sharing all of their plan for a week in the tropics with their crew. It sounds like it could be a great romantic getaway, right? Insert yourself into the plan, the others will be happy to have your around to mix it up, and you will solidify your place in their life, for good, in vacation memories.
  4. Include their other friends- This person has a life without you, and until this point, that’s been pretty ok. If they won’t ask you to tag along to the bar on Friday night, ask them to bring their friends when they make their booty call after last call. The more the merrier right?
  5. Tell the world- You’ve risked putting yourself out there before, it’s how you ended up on Tinder, choosing from the best dressed dick pic to bag, a consolation prize of sorts for social failure. But this sex thing seems to be working, they come when you call, and do as you ask, so why would an open discussion about the nature of your relationship be on the table? You really don’t want to fuck this up and be alone forever, instead of telling them you’re setting for them, tell everyone else. The moment they realize that you’ve trapped them, will be when someone else is present and they’ll be trapped, lest they humiliate you.

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