The population of the United States is aging and women typically outlast men. Especially, with all these old dudes thinking they’re Lance Armstrong and spend 14 hours a day riding on their bikes doing nerve damage to their already fickle junk; non-functioning business will not kill you, but an unsatisfied lady-friend might.

I digress.

Speaking to this older population can be daunting. They have years of experience with all sorts of things, even if they tell you the same story about Doris over and over. Strike up a conversation and learn something. If you need help, some convo kindling can be found below.

It’s not that cold in here

You will notice that even when it’s sweltering women of a certain age will be wrapped in shawls and wearing woolen tights. They’ll be in summer dresses and knee high boots. They wear gloves in summer.

I’m sure there is something behind their layering strategies, maybe it’s general preparedness, or all women hit 50ish and become schizophrenic.

If you don’t bring it up, you’ll never know what they’re working at.

You look good, for your age

Everyone deserves a compliment now and again. And maybe you need tips on finding lipsticks that match the inside of your lips.  Or maybe their day needs brightening, its hard to tell when they have crows feet that deep, but tell them they look good, like a grandma who just got her hair set for the week.

Do you have a tampon?

Ok, this one is a bit gender specific but you know.

This makes them feel young and needed. They will always have a tampon, it’ll probably be as old as you are and bigger than half of your former lovers. But you will suffer to know this women better. This is how they dealt with womanhood back in their day be one with them, try to enjoy it…

Why didn’t you change the fucking toilet paper roll?

These bitches think that because they raised their ungrateful fucking children, who never changed the toilet paper after the end of the roll that they can neglect the paper tubes hanging on to the holder thing. They don’t give a shit that the new roll is sliding all over the floor getting icky. So ask them. Ask them what the fuck you ever did to them to make them feel that this is acceptable behavior.