A Guide to Finding the Right Moment to Tell Your New Black Friend You Voted for Obama

I’m no stranger to helping you through difficult conversations, remember when I helped you with this conversation? And this conversation seems a bit timely with the politics and such. But it’s a conversation that you may need to have, you know, to prove to any black people that you’re definitively not racist.

The line is easy: I voted for Obama. It speaks volumes about your character that you could look at a young(ish) black man as enough of a leader to cast your ballot for him in the democratic elections of this here republic, the good ol’ USA.

But with a line that easy, the timing has to be on point. I mean you can’t just blurt it out during an awkward lull in party chatter, that’s better saved for your anecdotal evidence that have led you to be an anti-vax advocate. I have a few ideas of when this topic should come up, see a few below.

Right after declaring your daughter will never date a black man while living under your roof – This is one of those moments that might make you sound racist, but your not, you’re just concerned that the racist cops that pull over this hypothetical black boyfriend will shoot your sweet angle dead when he is shooting this black man for being black. Remember, you voted for Obama, so you can’t be racist. You can be seriously concerned about your daughter getting mixed up in gangs and/or drugs.

After your meal has been served – You want the waitstaff at the fancy restaurant you are having a bite with Bill an evening at the theatre to know that you accept them serving your dinner because it is their job as service industry workers, not because you believe that people with darker skin should serve your every need. If they need more convincing maybe go on about how wonderful Marta is at cleaning stained table clothes. Its not racist to have a Latina maid, especially one who is so pretty!

Postcoitus – In the afterglow of love making all secrets are accepted. You could get away with telling your partner that you spent your teens murdering kittens for Sunday dinner with Mother and they’d still feel warmly toward you. But announcing you voted for Obama, that will launch you into the top ten best Tinder human, and you will be rewarded with a visit downtown and allowed to spend then night.

While their are lamenting their votes in the most recent presidential election – It’s not impossible for this scenario to pop up, I mean the skinheads (who have hair and real jobs these days) have marched on a city 75 miles from my little city four or five times this year. Some people are suffering hindsight regret for not writing in Mickey Mouse on the 2016 ballot, and when they express their qualms you take the moment to share your Obama nugget. This is a two fold win; one you’re not racist and two you are not agreeing (or disagreeing) with them on the current state of politics thus preventing a heated discussion.

 

Honestly, if you’re in doubt just shout it out. It can only bring you closer to your fellow man.

 

 

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