My neighbors, the ones who shared my bedroom wall and the ones who lived below me, moved out. The new neighbors fight less (many thanks new neighbors!) but feel the need to be more involved in my sex life than any neighbors I have ever had.

And it’s not like either the downstairs neighbor not my next door neighbor is trying to seduce me, which is good because I can, and do, do better.

But, unlike historical neighbors, these people care about when and how I do it.

If you find yourself in their shoes and need to be involved with whomever is banging on your ceiling just the tip or two can be found below.

Put on some mood music

Chances are the early morning love fest that your neighbors are enjoying was not well planned out. They probably didn’t light candles and they defiantly didn’t put on a sexy slow jam to get their juices flowing.

Help them out.

Put on a mix of music that makes you want to hump your hand. Chances are if it does it for you, it’ll do it for them.

Better yet, pull out the guitar you’ve been practicing at 11 PM every weeknight and strum out your best sex song.

Feel the rhythm

If you neighbors can’t pound out an even rhythm, don’t hesitate to put in your two cents. Take a hard object and slam out a steady beat on which ever wall is closest to. A little coaching never hurt anyone. Be prepared to keep the drumming up, for all you know the neighbors have been going at it every hour on the hour while you slept and it’s going to take a while.

Butt out

Your frisky neighbors are playing up the lordotic curve of at least one participant (it’s a mating thing, even animals do it*). You should try it. Lordosis, as a female sexual behavior not a permanent curvature of the spine, signals readiness to get some. And if you aren’t in the mood it will put you in the mood, making you less annoyed with squeaking springs and more annoyed that your seven pussies demand your constant attention leaving one poor puss neglected.

*Yeah, I linked you to bio lecture notes, what of it?