Most days I would describe myself as fairly successful. I reached the glass ceiling in my industry at 28*, but I’m out there presenting unplanned presentations trying to not get cut in the process.

My struggle is not singular. I’m one of many who have been successful, to a point, and are baffled at what to do next (consulting, blogging, start running marathons?). But there are days when you can’t help but see someone else’s success and do the whole Charlton Heston thing from Planet of the Apes, selfishly, and then doing some routine weeping into some soured wine, alone, while you listen to your neighbors get it on.

Look, I know not everyone can be POTUS, or write a best seller, or cure cancer, some of us have to work in offices and talk to mean customers. But there are days when it doesn’t seem fair, like maybe on the day when the kid from your creative writing classes, who was only an OK writer in college gets hired to write for SNL and your only comedic outlet is a silly blog that three of your friends sometimes read.

Those days feel like they did this to spite you.

You’re allowed to feel your feelings, though I do suggest keeping them to yourself, mostly. Below you can find a few ideas for coping with your personal let downs.

• Quit your job and travel**
• Go to the spa, treat yourself!
• Buy three or four new pairs of shoes
• Buy a matching set of fancy underthings***
• Write a blog post
• Hook up with a less successful human****
• Tell off any subordinates
• Eat good chocolate, drink good wine, buy new sheets for your chocolate and wine filled body to sleep on

*Calm down you guys, I know many successful women who have very successful on their own merit, they are all much higher in the rank and file than where I was at 28. I’m being dickish to make a point.

**This works if you have rich parents.

***Trust me, pretty panties work, you will be suddenly powerful.

****It’s a dick move, but it feels good on multiple levels.