Happy New Year and Such

Today is the first day of the year 2019 in the common era.

Every human in existence is wiped clean of the bull shit that they did, or didn’t do, in the past year or years. We must all take a moment and reflect on the things we have failed to do in order to be complete humans and then set a plan so that we can make them happen.

I will go first, set the example. You should know that even as I am here coaching you to be stronger, I am not entirely perfect. My shit is not entirely together, and if you’ll indulge me I’ll lay out my failings and my plan to fix these in the next 12 months so I don’t have to write this post again on January 1, 2020.

Here goes nothing…

In 2018 I failed to procure a publishing deal, a child, a husband, a lasting weight loss, a cheap haircut, a job that I like (though I did get a job, which is like a half win), wealth, a healthy work-life balance, a significant piece of art, any sort of savings, perfect teeth, aand clear skin.

In 2019 I shall rectify that as best possible. I have a plan. I have steps. I will do it.

Publishing deal: write more that way more is out there and you, as my beloved readers, can send my masterpieces to the proper people in place of me networking or sending unsolicited manuscripts. Also, maybe expand what I write, my mom said that maybe the sarcasm is lost on people.

Child: I’m going to start drinking after my co-workers, I’ve known them all less than a year and most of them are cooking the second in a series of Irish twins.

Husband: I’m going to get back on the internet and literally put that I want a husband in my profile. That or I’ll become a moderator for one of those red pill sites… that could also work.*

Weight loss: I considered chopping off my legs, but I use them to help with finding a husband, so I’m thinking I’ll just suffer through eating healthy and exercising, it’s slower and more painful but it’ll have to do.

Cheap haircut: I had a friend in high school who was kooky, she grew into a kooky adult and cuts her own hair. People often refer to her as “cute but with the hair” and “the one with the short hair” and I feel like I could stand to be cute. And my hair isn’t long unless it’s been neglected, I may try this whole DIY thing, it’s not like I’m making my own clothes or anything.

Job: I have a job, it’s not a super fun job and I have to work when it snows. I’m going to get a new one, either one where I can crush my enemies while laughing, or maybe just start an Etsy shop for the bras I bedazzle in my spare time. Or, I’ll find a man to pay for the lifestyle which I think I should be accustom to and volunteer with homeless people or poor kids once a week or so. I have been applying to positions in all of the above fields and am hoping that the new year brings fortune.

Wealth: I watched Mr. Robot again recently- so there needs to be something like that only with Sallie Mae as the target. If you know anyone capable, please share my contact info with them.

Work-Life balance: seeking suggestions…

Art: I’m going to create more. Draw, paint, sculpt, whatever, and I shall be inspired by my local museum, which also has a lovely, though slightly overpriced gift shop where I will find a print/replica of something grand.

Teeth: Coconut oil

Skin: I may pay more attention to Nicole Cliffe. She has a newsletter about it, I think. But she also has nice skin…


Happy New Year!


* I know I really recently (like in my last post) mentioned that I’m dating someone, but we met in September (I think) and he still hasn’t put a ring on it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s