Still alone: What Happens After a Two Week Quarantine

My two weeks have come and gone.

Some dude name James is bringing me groceries tonight, my 16th night of my 16th day with no real human contact.

Don’t worry, because I was sick during the panic buying that probably infected you with the same chest cracking disease, I will run out of toilet paper before you do. I also don’t have any disinfectants, so fuck all of you.

Anyways, I made it through the two weeks everyone was worried about, I went no contact on March 12 after visiting a doctor, so what now?

Can I go out and play? Can I go an press my face against strangers in the street? Do I get to cough into my hands again?


Two weeks is how long to know if you’re gonna be one of the lucky one’s who will cough until you puke during your Zoom meeting.

After the two weeks, you’re still cooking three gourmet meals a day, you’re still not wearing real pants, you probably not washing your hair on it’s normal schedule. You’re probably still making Tic Tok videos and crying about your ex’s really pretty sunset photos on Instagram.

If you haven’t been drinking, you will be after the two week mark (I may or may not have had 1/4 of my wine cellar before starting this journey of writing to you).

Good luck. Keep FaceTiming your buddies and barging into conference calls late only to ask why the call is happening. We’ll get through this together.

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