Retail Therapy for Temporary Agoraphobes

As I shifted from the desk I set up in my kitchen to the couch fifteen feet away after I finished work today, I was struck by how I hadn’t stimulated the economy yet today.

Hadn’t stimulated anything really.

So I sat down on my couch and thought of all the things I “need” in order to make my 800 square foot life live able. I bought a mop handle a week ago, and replaced a pair of sandals the week before that. I’ve spent nearly $500 on food in the last two weeks, but today, after working for nearly nine hours, I hadn’t purchased a thing.

It’s so much easier when you can go out, into the stores, and touch things. Remember when we could touch things? I miss touching things.

So I sat on my couch and opened Instagram and bought one of everything.

If the USPS is worth their salt, in the next week in my mailbox there will be a sports bra supposedly good enough for my tits (that are the same size as my head) can go for a run, skin care specifically advertised for smoother butt skin, eyebrow tint, a hot pink sheath dress, leggings with pockets, and a fresh pair of socks. I also ordered pizza sauce and hummus to be delivered by something akin to a food currier.

And I haven’t received any government relief yet.

Apparently this is what I do when I can’t drink over priced coffee and summon a human to satisfy whatever need leggings and pizza sauce are trying desperately to fill.

Have I told you yet that I’ve been home for 35(ish) days? I haven’t been super alone this week though. Jesus blessed me with a shower leak, and a very, very creepy maintenance man who visited six times.


That was fun. I’m going to go back to shopping now.

Best of luck with economic stimulation of your own.

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