I’m not a huge fan of Facebook, it’s filled with things like my mom’s former coworkers posting confusingly sourced, rage filled anti-hippie nonsense and my former coworkers requesting civility in Jesus’s name while posting “informal polls” that could insight violence, if not for the incantation.

It’s a great place to find things to spend money on though. They’ve got the ad algorithm down. And those ads are super good at the whole free sample for subscriptions that are impossible to cancel.

But what they’re best at is listening.

They’re always listening. And now that that we’re all using our tiny tablets to chat to each other and they’re listening it. We’re Zooming from the quietest corner of our driveways and they’re listening.

I’m not spending all of my money on coffee made by other people anymore and Facebook is working hard to help me spend my “extra” money.

So what have I been talking about? Let me share with you the things I’ve had advertised to me so you can guess.

• Cropped wide-leg linen jumpsuit
• Audio books about weight loss through hypnosis
• Sports bras that big titted bitches can run in
• Bras that have no wires or support
• T-shirts with daisies on them
• Cize
• $300 vegan leather shoes
• Gold earrings
• Hello Fresh
• High paying nursing jobs

But what have I been talking about?