Deafening Silence: a Translation

I've been known to abort a pregnant pauses. I've skipped doses while administering the silent treatment. No lie, I've been chattering refuge for a priest on silent retreat. My incessant noise exists to prevent introspection (though I'm sure some coworkers think I blather on to motivate them to be busy enough to ignore me). And … Continue reading Deafening Silence: a Translation

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Christmas Shopping on the Tightest of Budgets

I got my haircut today, which means my budget is shot for the month. I'll maintain my lifestyle of coffee made by over educated Etsy vendors with the plethora of rewards cards I've accumulated. If it wasn't weeks before Christmas surviving on a $14 a day budget for a month would be a challenge but … Continue reading Christmas Shopping on the Tightest of Budgets

Banging on the Ceiling and Other Ways to get Involved in Your Neighbors’ Sex Lives

My neighbors, the ones who shared my bedroom wall and the ones who lived below me, moved out. The new neighbors fight less (many thanks new neighbors!) but feel the need to be more involved in my sex life than any neighbors I have ever had. And it's not like either the downstairs neighbor not … Continue reading Banging on the Ceiling and Other Ways to get Involved in Your Neighbors’ Sex Lives

A Guide to Finding the Right Moment to Tell Your New Black Friend You Voted for Obama

I'm no stranger to helping you through difficult conversations, remember when I helped you with this conversation? And this conversation seems a bit timely with the politics and such. But it's a conversation that you may need to have, you know, to prove to any black people that you're definitively not racist. The line is … Continue reading A Guide to Finding the Right Moment to Tell Your New Black Friend You Voted for Obama

Cross contamination: a Guide to Allergic Dating

I may or may have mentioned in passing here that I'm one of those peopled blessed with allergies. Food allergies, though not my most fun allergies, do create a bit of excitement when out with a new suitor.¬† And boy, when that suitor is also an allergic, there just aren't words! At this point you're … Continue reading Cross contamination: a Guide to Allergic Dating