In real life, I’m a stone cold emotionally constipated bitch.

This is a fact that I’ve known for a long time and sadly I haven’t the wherewithal nor the disposable income to fix this (thanks Sallie Mae). We’re in unprecedented times, which I think, given what I’ve seen in the traditional and social medias, is obvious to anyone who does not live in the American South.

All of this uncharted territory around us allows for some internal uncharted territory, it probably feels a bit weird, maybe a little heavy on the “woo woo”, if you will, but with extra reflection comes extra knowledge sit with yourself, and go where your soul takes you, unless it’s to your eyebrows, those need to be left alone.

All of this self reflection may bring tears. Let them flow.

And since you and I both know how weird this can be as a new thing, I’m here to guide you with things it’s ok to cry about, both happy tears and sad.

• Dogs being so happy they sprain their tails
• Your ex not calling you
• The fact that you can’t see a doctor for normal things
• How gross you feel after eating an entire batch of cookies
• How hard instacart is when you don’t feel well but need food
• Snow falling in a glacial lake
• Jame being the dude who delivers your food, again
• Your ex calling you
• The intense pain you have in your chest
• Drinking coffee made by someone else
• Being out of batteries
• Having to go to work in your kitchen
• Not being able to go to work in your kitchen
• Houseplants
• Sleeping alone
• Agatha Christie
• Network television not having your shows on
• Finding a roll of toilet paper in the bottom of the closet
• The doctor not calling you back
• Relatives you forgot existed sending you Bible verses via Facebook
• Crying
• White pubic hair
• Chicken schmaltz
• Potatoes

There are other things. Things that may surprise you. Maybe you suddenly with that the ex who called and the ex who didn’t would make and excellent set to be in a throuple with but it’ll never happen so here we are crying about it, or you know, other stuff. Feel free to comment.