Investing in Yourself: Making the Most of the Gym 

You set your New Year Resolution to get fit, you signed a 17 year contact with a gym that has everything you could ever want.  We’re talking multiple pools, massages preformed by man-handed women, and dudes who have arms as thick as you waist and toothpick legs. 

It’s February, you’re well on your way to resolving that resolution, you’ve put on four pounds of muscle in a month and a dedicated to your once or twice a week 30 min brisk walk on the treadmill.

But are you getting all you can out of this new habit? 

Honestly, and you need to be honest with yourself above all, I doubt it. You’ve sunk a small fortune into this so make sure you get everything you can out of your investment. A few things to make sure you aren’t missing out on can be found below. 

New clothes

You need to be properly dressed to work out, there may be one lady in leather boots and her best work attire and she might be rocking the shit out of the treadmill, but you aren’t her. Get the newest wicking materials in the trendiest colors. 

You’ll need some clothes to show off your shredded muscles. Ladies, you’ll need shorter shirts to show off the spoils of the three miles a week you’re pulling off. Fellows, if you’re achieving the toothpick leg look stick to pants 100% of the time, get smaller shirts though, tiny gains are still gains, and muscles are to be admired.

Don’t forget a goal outfit, or two. Just a little something to work toward, for when you’re half your current size, in July. 


The gym is a fantastic place to play live Tinder (what previous generations would have called trolling for tail… or something). Every body type is represented, and you know you’ve stuck gold given the prices you pay to be a member of your little fitness club. 

Chat someone up by telling them you’re using a machine you clearly aren’t. Leave pheromone trails behind you in puddles of sweat that you “forget” to wipe off the seat of the recumbent bike. 

A tan

You’ve given up trying to exercise in nature because of the lack of TV but in doing so you’re becoming vitamin D deficient. This is bad for your bones. 

It’s so lucky the gym’s spa has tanning beds! 

You’ll be up to snuff on your D in no time. And think of the extra definition the extra color will give you. 

And freckles. Freckles have always been a good thing in my book.

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