Remember when you were seven and you joined forces with your grandma to bully your mother into letting you get your ears pierced?

I do, or I remember my mom’s retellings. I also, twenty-ish years later, don’t wear earrings particularly often.

Don’t be like me, don’t break your mother’s heart, wear earrings. If you need a reason you can pick one from the list below.

1. Earrings decorate your ears – we’re big on body adornment as a society, if you don’t believe me look into glitter beards, they are a thing. Earrings are less likely to cut your eyeball and can be changed with your mood or outfit.
2. You have holes and holes need filled – You fill all the holes that god gave you with all kinds of things so maybe the holes you created for earrings should get earrings to fill them.
3. Earrings convey status – The bigger the hoop, the bigger the ho.
4. Earrings come in handy when you need to MacGyver out of something – Who knows when you will be closing down a bar, and find yourself locked in the bathroom stall with a fancy floor to ceiling door and a faulty lock, no women to stumble upon you or call for help, no phone, no keys, no bobby pins. You will only be saved by your earrings.