Remember when you were seven and you joined forces with your grandma to bully your mother into letting you get your ears pierced?
I do, or I remember my mom’s retellings. I also, twenty-ish years later, don’t wear earrings particularly often.
Don’t be like me, don’t break your mother’s heart, wear earrings. If you need a reason you can pick one from the list below.
- Earrings decorate your ears – we’re big on body adornment as a society, if you don’t believe me look into glitter beards, they are a thing. Earrings are less likely to cut your eyeball and can be changed with your mood or outfit.
- You have holes and holes need filled – You fill all the holes that god gave you with all kinds of things so maybe the holes you created for earrings should get earrings to fill them.
- Earrings convey status – The bigger the hoop, the bigger the ho.
- Earrings come in handy when you need to MacGyver out of something – Who knows when you will be closing down a bar, and find yourself locked in the bathroom stall with a fancy floor to ceiling door and a faulty lock, no women to stumble upon you or call for help, no phone, no keys, no bobby pins. You will only be saved by your earrings.