Distress Calls in a Technology Driven Era

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has dropped a pin (a location on a map on your smartphone, sent to someone via text for those who are not smartphone users) while out and about prompting the recipient of that pin to call to check in on you.

With rapidly updating mobile technology it’s becoming less and less about dropped pins and more about serious distress calls, all with the secret combo of pressed buttons. This combination shouldn’t be a secret because you wouldn’t want to accidentally send calls and texts begging for help unnecessarily.But your phone is too smart for its own good so you will.

So when you’ve accidentally press A B Up Down Down Up B A Power Home and sent up the bat signal you need a recovery strategy. An idea or two can be found below.

Get a date with a cop

One of your emergency contacts is a bit high strung, your little SOS will prompt this person to ring the police before reaching out to you to see what’s happening. You should use this opportunity to get a date.

Make sure that while you assuring the cops that you are safe and that you are not an alarmist you, bat your eyelashes. Maybe tell a joke and get him (or her) giggling, it’s totally okay if it’s at the expense of your tense emergency contact.

If the date goes well, go ahead, replace the emergency contact. If it doesn’t go well, keep them, you never know when you will be desperate for a date.

Skip town

If you are a frequent crier of wolf via mobile technology it will take a moment for people to realize that something is amiss. You’ve had the itch to rob a bank and forge a new path to a new you, in a new country with no extradition agreement with your home country (bank robbery being frowned upon there and whatnot).

Think of all of the stories you will collect for your triumphant return home twenty years later, when crimes will be forgotten because you are back from the dead.

Frame an Ex

You have that one ex who keeps popping up, making your grocery shopping a little less fun than it was before. When you accidentally text your distress, imply that this ex had appeared again, this time at your favorite beer joint, interrupting your crab dip.

Your emergency contacts are already not a fan of this ex so let the poison deepen in their veins, saving them from future awkward Target chats and updating this ex on their kids’ progress in school, it’s not like the crazy ex taught the very children they are asking after (right?).

I mean either way…

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