Daily Affirmation

You need to be told that you are nice and good and smart and wonderful everyday. A better life coach would tell you that you need to do this for yourself. Chant a personal mantra, breathe deeply while meditating on the positive things in your life, that kind of bullshit.

But I’m not that kind of life coach. I work myself to death and oversleep and whine and cry when it seems appropriate (or inappropriate because inappropriate is so much more fun).

Since I’m the mess coaching you to live your best life I’m going to give you a few strategies for you to trick people into affirming you.

  1. Frequent Facebook status updates – This may seem obvious but if you can’t keep all 592 of your closest computer friends up to date on your life events, no matter how mundane, how else are you going to garner their sympathy? Your bfffs (best Facebook friends forever, in case you didn’t know) will praise every victory, because you’re even eye wings are a miracle straight from god in heaven. Just as they will raise you up from your small failures, because Pinterest is a bitch and you are stronger than it!
  2. Brag, boast, and gloat – This is especially effective at work. When you finish your report at the deadline, when you show up to work on time two days in a row, when you get an B on a test, when your skinny jeans fit (no matter how many jean squats you had to do) tell everyone and anyone who will listen. Some of them will be so excited for you. The others can piss off.
  3. Flirt and pout – If you are a natural at flirting with anything that walks and pouting about the tiny hardships good for you! The rest of us need to practice. Flirts make the people around them feel good, when they pout everyone wants them to feel better. Study the flirt, emulate the flirt. Work the pout.

Good luck.

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